I did a Insta post on this not long ago with this title but I feel there is more to the post than just not being a girly girl. It’s about self confidence and the ability to be comfortable in your own skin. The world is suffocated in images and articles of how we should look, how we should feel and how we should act to be accepted in society and that’s utterly wrong. It shouldn’t be this way. My whole life I grew up wanting to be accepted by others, I wanted to be everyone’s friend but I have never fitted into one category of group even to this day I don’t have a ‘tribe’ as such. Frankly, I’m ashamed at myself for trying to change who I was to be accepted, it wasn’t ok. Was I happy? Maybe for all of 5 minutes but it’s never going to last plus, those so called friendship groups soon chuck you out for not being authentic enough so why do it to ourselves? Why pretend to be something we’re not just to fit in?
Body image was always an issue for me, donning a bikini would set my head spinning with anxieties. I hated photos, bingo wings and chubby thighs were a real issue for me even though I had absolutely nothing to be concerned about although I perceived myself as having body issues that needed to be slimmed down and toned up, slapped in the face with magazines and social media posts of twiggy women who would look great in a bin liner, articles about how celebs have ‘got fat’ going from a size 8 to a size 10, I mean give us a break! It’s no wonder that so many of us have a sigma on our image proportions. I look back at photos of me in a bikini wishing I hadn’t have been so self conscious, I looked great, I wish I could have that body now and why oh why couldn’t I see it then?
In my late twenties I hit a real fitness addiction. I lost around a stone and a half but looked way too thin, everyone would comment telling me I needed to eat more. I was one of those annoying ‘eat clean’ people and hit the weights 5 days a week. I put a lot of strain on my body. There are deeper reasons for hitting the gym so hard, exercise was my focus to get me through a dark and testing time in my life and although it was healthy to begin with it didn’t take long for it to become the concern of close friends and family. I became pregnant and put it all back on again though so I’m back to square one, this time with a completely different outlook.
Having a child made it difficult to go and chuck around the weights 5 days a week anyway so I didn’t bother. Instead my priorities changed Dylan was my sole goal, he didn’t care if I had put on a few pounds! From then on, my mindset slowly shifted learning to accept my new post baby body wasn’t easy and I still have trouble from time to time the only difference now is I’ve never been happier. If I try on clothes and that mum tum peeks out to say hello I’ll put it back, it obviously wasn’t meant for me rather than scrutinizing the bits of my body I needed to change immediately in order to feel good. There will always be someone skinnier than you, have a better complexion than you, be a littler funnier than you and those people who could dress in a bin bag and make it look smokin hot. I’ve chosen to be content with me. Yes, I hear you, of course I would like to make subtle changes, we all do from time to time the difference here is I’m not self conscious anymore, I’ll bloody go out in a bikini and strut my stuff, stretch marks and baggy mum tum in all its glory.
We are individuals not to be compared to anyone else the world would be a very boring place if we were all the same.
So you can find me on the floor outside in my dungarees playing toy diggers with Dylan in the dirt not worrying myself about the fact my thunder thighs have ripped the shorts to the dungarees or that my nails are full of dirt and chipped, that my hair is a crappy attempt at a mum bun which resembles that of a small poo. I’m not a girly girl, I’m tired of trying to be picture perfect so now, I’m finally ok with being me and I feel great.